Welp...herpes.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
