The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
