Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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