someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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