Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
