My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
