I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
