he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
