I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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