Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
