i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
