I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
