all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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