you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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