i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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