Dual....:-)
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
