This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
