we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
