I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
