I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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