Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
