i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
