Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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