Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
