I hate your face
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
