She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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