I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
