I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He better not be in your backpack
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
