Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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