She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
