So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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