You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
