4 words: hood of his car
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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