she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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