dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
