Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
