sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
