Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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