Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
