i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
