The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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