Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
