you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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