White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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