I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
