she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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