I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
