he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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