Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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