I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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