i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
