i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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