I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
