I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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