You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
