tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
