Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
