i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
